The past year I’ve found myself searching affirmations and quotes for meaning; something to hold on to, something to live by. Most likely a pointless exercise, as I suspect very little is true or all encompassing in every context. In spite of this, our minds (or mine at least) consistently try to simplify complexity, nothing like a lovely label to place things under. The constant battle to understand myself, others and the world. How else to feel any sense of control over our lives? If we know “the rules” we can maneuver within them and everything will be OK . . . . right? . . . . RIGHT!???

And, when I settle on a set of rules, please people, don’t question or pick holes in them, because that makes me very uncomfortable and I will slaughter your ideas to defend mine, or perhaps instead I’ll plummit into the depths of depression and doubt with no ground to stand on, getting to work on the slow slaughter of myself (dramatic much!).

I believe it’s important to be open minded but it’s only human to have unconscious biases and conditioned suppositions. To be truly open minded is always a work in progress, I discover new assumptions in my world veiw every couple of days, I even have to watch for old ones creeping back in. 

Maybe, it’s good enough to just aspire to be as open as you can manage, to learn to empathise with yourself when things confound you, when the rug is pulled from beneath. Feeling threatened by uncertainty is rampantly common. It’s not a flaw unique to one alone, we all struggle to find the light switch in the dark with fumbling fingers. The boy scouts say “always be prepared” but you just can’t prepare for everything, just stick to the practicalities, buy a good rain jacket😉 (and do try to be kind, I think that’s an important one).

This morning the postman caught me dancing around the front room like a woman possessed. Joy owned me for a few short moments as I chose to accept my lack of understanding and just dance, while my puppy tried to chew the slippers off my whizzing feet. The freedom was exhilarating (and I achieved it while stone cold sober).
Hence, my mantra for now is borrowed from Vivien Greene:

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

Not an easy thing to always do, but we can practise in some light showers. Remember, this is not avoidance, it’s embracing pain as part of life and dancing with it. In my case I’m currently only capable of moments of this but sometimes a moment is enough.