It’s not you it’s . . . the message

A lack of boundaries does NOT invite a lack of respect! An open front gate does not invite a burglary. It does make you an easier target but it does not mean you were asking for it. The blame still lies with the perpetrator. We can learn coping mechanisms to deal with the behaviour of others who take advantage; getting more comfortable saying no and learning that other people’s criticisms of you often reflect their own insecurities about themselves, but trusting other people to be kind was never the flaw in the system. The disrespect is the problem, the lack of compassion, the willingness to capitalise on vulnerabilities. You shouldn’t need a keep out sign to designate your personal space and if someone can’t tell where the line is and doesn’t ask, they’re the one with the weakness. Boundaries are a reaction to encroachment, they’re not a prerequisite to being respected, taken seriously or loved. Anyone who tells you they are has been hurt and is blaming themselves or is trying to find an excuse for treating others badly.

We can’t control the world by controlling ourselves. Relax, nothing is under control, let go of feeling ashamed.

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