It’s not you it’s . . . the message

I’m sick of hearing it; a lack of boundaries does NOT invite a lack of respect! An open window does not invite a burglary, it invites a breeze. Yes, it makes you an easier target but it does not mean you were asking for it. The blame still lies with the perpetrator, it’s still robbery.

We can learn coping mechanisms to deal with the behaviour of others who take advantage; getting more comfortable saying no and learning that other people’s criticisms of you often reflect their own insecurities about themselves, but trusting other people to be kind was never the flaw in the system. You shouldn’t need a keep out sign on your front door or a sign in the garden asking people not to pick petals off the roses. If someone can’t tell where the line is, if their foot is on your fingers, they must be quite blind. If the line is more of a blurry one, they can always ask how you feel about it. People who don’t understand this are the ones with the flaw. Flagging your boundaries is a reaction to encroachment, it’s not a prerequisite to being respected, taken seriously or loved. Anyone who tells you otherwise has been hurt and is blaming themselves or is trying to find an excuse for treating others badly.

We can’t control the world by patrolling ourselves. Relax, nothing is under control, let go of feeling ashamed of a kind-hearted nature.